


In lieu of saying sorry...

by mslilylashes



Series: Mind Palace vignettes [1]
Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Angst, Dark, Drabble, Dubious Consent, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, Unsafe Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-12
Updated: 2019-08-12
Packaged: 2020-08-19 15:33:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 347
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20212093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mslilylashes/pseuds/mslilylashes
Summary: Dark fic...... Short and horrible. Don’t quite know what I was thinking!Say Something will be updated this Wednesday.... We are still in the light, fluffy bits there, so I truly feel like this monstrosity came out of nowhere.Please heed any and all trigger warnings!Xx lilylashes





	In lieu of saying sorry...

**Author's Note:**

> Dark fic...... Short and horrible. Don’t quite know what I was thinking!
> 
> Say Something will be updated this Wednesday.... We are still in the light, fluffy bits there, so I truly feel like this monstrosity came out of nowhere.
> 
> Please heed any and all trigger warnings!
> 
> Xx lilylashes

It’s times like this he just wants to scream at John: _punish me for what I am._

_Punish me for my mouth that has tasted too many cocks,_  
_For my eyes that have roamed over too many bodies,_  
_For my words that have hurt too many people — yourself included_,  
_For my goddamn brain that can never just be silent even when your cock is inside of me. _

__

_ _ __ _ _

__

__

_You will never be the first, and that thought alone tears me apart. _

__

__

__

_Punish me for the things I did when I was desperate,_  
_And alone,_  
_And needed a hit. _

__

__

_ __ _

_ __ _

_I hate myself, and I want to feel that in my bones._

_Punish me for all the things I did to you when I was trying to **win the game.**_

But instead he just says ‘yes’ when John asks if he wants to ‘_make love_’,

And he lowers his mouth to John’s cock, forcing it further back in his throat than he should, until he is gagging and drooling, and John is moaning, and that makes it all worth it.

He pushes back against John’s thrusts, even when he is sore and aching, because it’s no less than he deserves,

And he casually encourages John’s hand to drift to his throat when they are fucking, hoping that he will understand that Sherlock actually wants him to squeeze the life out of him, 

That dying has never been a fear of his until recently when he realised that there might not be anyone on this earth who would miss him.

John is the light, and Sherlock is so very lost in the dark. If John knew the darkness of Sherlock’s thoughts, it would surely undo him, and there is no way Sherlock could do that to John.

(_Again._)

If he could, he would place John’s gun in his hand and beg him to pull the trigger, deep in the throes of whatever headspace consumes them when they fuck, and maybe — just maybe — John would obey, because he can never deny Sherlock anything.

It would be the greatest gift he could give.


End file.
